Over the last few years, I have been really struggling (learning?) in my faith. Back in NC I had a large circle of Christian acquaintances (I called them friends at the time but looking back, we weren't really that close). I had trouble with some aspects of their faith but I just went along and tried my best to believe because I felt like I should. When we came to CA I felt very lost. Without the support of that circle to convince me I should support certain aspects of the Christian church (or what I thought were aspects- I don't want to get into details though, lest I offend people- I'll save that for another post!) I started to give up. However, despite all of the messed up stuff I associated with the church, I always came back to Jesus. Underneath it all I still love Jesus- He still makes sense to me. Even without all the church-y stuff, He was still there, waiting for me.
I have a tendency to be busy and keep my brain full of new things and push God to the back. Then there are days like today when I am empty of other stuff and it feels REALLY empty. I come back to Jesus and again, he is there waiting to fill me up. Always waiting for me to get my focus off myself and back to Him. I imagine him sitting on a bench in my brain, waving occasionally trying to catch my eye, but I am focused elsewhere. He waits patiently until I am ready. Thats another thing I love about Jesus- He does not force himself on people. He will wait for you to get to a place where you can see him. Anyway, I'm not really sure where I was going with this- something about waiting.
This was interesting to read! I like seeing how other people have changed their faith as they've grown and changed.
ReplyDeleteI like that everyone handles it differently. I decided that whether or not God exists, the healthiest thing for me was to just always do what I think is right :) And to do everything I can to take advantage of the life I have. I've been much happier since I made that decision!